That you are not listening has nothing to do with you having a brain or not, Ren. If I thought you were brainless I would never have touched you. I wouldn't be exhausting myself over you. I wouldn't care as much as I damn well do.
I don't want to kick you out of my bed, or insult you, or even be arguing with you, again. You are young and scared and it shows but you are still worth the effort. At least, I thought there was something between us that was worth the effort. If there is not, then I was mistaken.
[Genuinely nothing about Ren should be endearing, especially when they are writing and not speaking face to face. Yet Lexa finds herself rather endeared by those little things.]
Though I do not know where we go from here. I am never going to be less than I am, and hiding myself is less than. I did it for so many years, not because my people are like yours and care that I want to be with women but because a Commander cannot afford the indulgence. It is dangerous to both them and their beloved.
It is exhausting to pretend, Ren. So, so exhausting.
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I don't want to kick you out of my bed, or insult you, or even be arguing with you, again. You are young and scared and it shows but you are still worth the effort. At least, I thought there was something between us that was worth the effort. If there is not, then I was mistaken.
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im not trying to argue with you
ffs i don't even like writing this much. my hand hurts. i never write this much.
i normally would have told people to fuck off by now
i don't know. i like you. i think your hair smells nice. im trying to explain myself even though my hand hurts. you're interesting
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Would you prefer to speak in person?
[That could never go wrong. Neverrrr.]
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not because i don't want to see you
i don't trust myself not to say the wrong things
things are easier if i have time to think about wot im saying
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Though I do not know where we go from here. I am never going to be less than I am, and hiding myself is less than. I did it for so many years, not because my people are like yours and care that I want to be with women but because a Commander cannot afford the indulgence. It is dangerous to both them and their beloved.
It is exhausting to pretend, Ren. So, so exhausting.
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before everyone understud the way things has to be
ive never been in a situation like this before
it aint that i don't like you
i dont know how to do this
this is new
i aint goin to be able to do things proper until i can figure some stuff out
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Until then.