[It's like talking to a brick wall, sweet Becca why.]
They will not know Ren. I promise you. If I thought for a second anyone back home would find out I certainly wouldn't fuck anyone. Ever.
I know you don't know how to deal with shit which is why I'm bothering to explain, though I realise most of this is going in one ear and swiftly out the other because you are panicked about your family knowing you're into women even though you're also into, and willing, apparently, to be with men as you are supposed to when the time comes.
I didn't say you were a moron, I said you were panicked. Anyone can panic. I have. Many times. Even when I was Heda and could not afford too.
If you're going to act as if I insulted you at least wait until I actually do it. This is like how you preemptively kick yourself out of my room when I had no such intentions of getting rid of you.
That you are not listening has nothing to do with you having a brain or not, Ren. If I thought you were brainless I would never have touched you. I wouldn't be exhausting myself over you. I wouldn't care as much as I damn well do.
I don't want to kick you out of my bed, or insult you, or even be arguing with you, again. You are young and scared and it shows but you are still worth the effort. At least, I thought there was something between us that was worth the effort. If there is not, then I was mistaken.
[Genuinely nothing about Ren should be endearing, especially when they are writing and not speaking face to face. Yet Lexa finds herself rather endeared by those little things.]
Though I do not know where we go from here. I am never going to be less than I am, and hiding myself is less than. I did it for so many years, not because my people are like yours and care that I want to be with women but because a Commander cannot afford the indulgence. It is dangerous to both them and their beloved.
It is exhausting to pretend, Ren. So, so exhausting.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
They will not know Ren. I promise you. If I thought for a second anyone back home would find out I certainly wouldn't fuck anyone. Ever.
I know you don't know how to deal with shit which is why I'm bothering to explain, though I realise most of this is going in one ear and swiftly out the other because you are panicked about your family knowing you're into women even though you're also into, and willing, apparently, to be with men as you are supposed to when the time comes.
no subject
enjoy your cake
i said my piece
i won't waste your time with my moron explanations any more
[Ren is huffed.]
no subject
If you're going to act as if I insulted you at least wait until I actually do it. This is like how you preemptively kick yourself out of my room when I had no such intentions of getting rid of you.
no subject
nothing fuckin hotter than someone saying you've got nothing between your eats.
take me fucking now[/s]
its. what. im. used. to.
it's how it's been every time. this is different.
no subject
I don't want to kick you out of my bed, or insult you, or even be arguing with you, again. You are young and scared and it shows but you are still worth the effort. At least, I thought there was something between us that was worth the effort. If there is not, then I was mistaken.
no subject
im not trying to argue with you
ffs i don't even like writing this much. my hand hurts. i never write this much.
i normally would have told people to fuck off by now
i don't know. i like you. i think your hair smells nice. im trying to explain myself even though my hand hurts. you're interesting
no subject
Would you prefer to speak in person?
[That could never go wrong. Neverrrr.]
no subject
not because i don't want to see you
i don't trust myself not to say the wrong things
things are easier if i have time to think about wot im saying
no subject
Though I do not know where we go from here. I am never going to be less than I am, and hiding myself is less than. I did it for so many years, not because my people are like yours and care that I want to be with women but because a Commander cannot afford the indulgence. It is dangerous to both them and their beloved.
It is exhausting to pretend, Ren. So, so exhausting.
no subject
before everyone understud the way things has to be
ive never been in a situation like this before
it aint that i don't like you
i dont know how to do this
this is new
i aint goin to be able to do things proper until i can figure some stuff out
no subject
Until then.